We can’t blame other people for not giving us what we want and need when we want and need it. We all have our own “stuff” going on, and coming from a place of understanding and compassion may be the wisest thing we can do for our own peace of mind.
I’m currently reading Gabby Bernstein’s Judgement Detox, and it urges readers to leave the judgement on the shelf.
People are who they are; You are who you are.
They are the way they are due to their beliefs, values, standards, upbringing, environment, personal life, and so many other life factors.
We judge other’s because we are judging ourselves, we feel a lack of…, insecure, vulnerable, and a slew of other not so pretty feelings.
– We get a quick hit of self-righteousness when we judge others, and it’s a reliable crutch when we feel hurt.
– Our judgements toward others make us feel better about ourselves. She goes on to say when we judge our energy weakens and we become unaligned with who we want to be.
….And food for thought, maybe that’s someone who leads with love, compassion and understanding?
It’s easy to say that our relationship goals are based on pop culture and society. We are bound to how society dictates the way life should be. We are mezmorized and influenced by the things we see in movies and hear in love songs thinking what we see and hear are how relationships should look.
#1. Go to college
#2. Start career
#3. Get married
#4. Have babies
= the formula to show society you are a life success
Goal: the result or achievement toward which effort is directed; aim
My goal is to have a relationship based on mutual attraction, respect, and support. It is secure, committed, fun, and playful.
And again this has me circling back to relationship standards. I once heard that instead of following our feelings, we’d be better off following our standards. By doing this we’d get a clearer picture on what’s happening in our hearts and minds.
Do you believe two is better than one? I do. I believe in partnerships, and being the yin to someone’s yang. There is a balancing out of personalities, strengths and weaknesses when two people are perfectly paired. With a partnership, there is a better chance that each individual will succeed.
Yup. That’s right, we’re talking about semen. I don’t know about you, but I’ve had my share of funky tasting spunk, jizz, cum, spooge, whatever you want to call it. And you never know what you’re going to get when you’re with a new lover. The mental scenario is usually something like this when you’re performing oral sex: “Okay, he’s about to blow, I hope his cum tastes decent!”
From sweet to tasteless to downright CRUDE, I’ve experienced a palette of flavours when it comes to jizz.
So I was wondering, how much of an impact diet has on semen. The article I read said there hasn’t been enough research to really know, but from my personal research (ahem), I can tell you it makes a huge difference. For example: someone who smokes, eats processed foods, and sugar may have semen that tastes bitter, pungent or sour. Whereas someone who eats relatively clean will likely have semen which may taste sweet.
Some men have this kind of weird obsession with their ejaculate – having an urge for women to want it, taste it, and frankly eat it up. So I ask: do you think a man would change his diet if he knew it affected the way his semen tasted? And if so, how is this even a discussion you bring up?
To prove you are in alignment with your intentions is determined by if we pass or fail a series of universal tests laid out in front of us.
This is how it works: The magic of the cosmos will present us with a circumstance in order to gauge how intent we are on our intentions. I find that most of these tests are integrity tests.
You can kinda break it down like this:
#1. We set our standards and values;
#2. The Universe throws something our way to see if we really stand by those standards and values; and then
#3. The Universe carries on accordingly with the information we provide it.
For example, if we wish to no-longer attract a certain type of person (deadbeat, loser, no job), we tend to get that exact person delivered to us! This is the test. Whether or not we take that person up on that date, exchange phone numbers, or even bother to reply, is entirely up to us. Our response dictates to the universe what we are willing or unwilling to accept. AND it will keep presenting us with the same situation until we chose to act in accordance with our intentions. It’s not just about speaking out our intentions, but we must live – them – through.
Let’s take a moment to talk about DATING STANDARDS
Sticking to my dating standards during the pandemic has been difficult, or rather, I’ve been lazy. Bypassing the tinder texting phase and almost instantly sharing my phone number, bypassing my social media non-share practices and sharing my online life with a stranger, bypassing the feel-the-vibe-out phone call before a meet and greet…and boy oh boy do I now see more than ever why I have these measures in place. They truly help weed out people you don’t vibe with.
I fully understand why my dating practices during pandemic haven’t been inline with the type of relationship I want to cultivate, and even the type of I high-value person I strive to show up as. All this curtailing of my standards was in an effort to find connection in a time where being social with the outside world had become pretty obsolete.
…and you know what they say, awareness is key.
So after a short Covid fling, I took some time to re-evaluate my standards, and here are some edits to my long list of what I’m looking for:
someone who opens doors for me
calls me his gf
has a clean living space
texting back within reasonable time frame
wants to see me, excited to see me
makes me breakfast
not into video games
I read a quote recently, “Don’t change your authenticity for someone else’s approval” and it rang like sirens through my head. You know this is happening when you start second guessing your moves, or editing your responses and over thinking your outfits. In these times, we need to take a step back, and maybe pray and ask for a little help.
As we slowly get back to normal life only time will tell if your Covid fling will last.
Oh yes, I’m talking about that companion we had to FaceTime with through the night, to go on physical distance walks with, to text during the day when bored af. How will these relationships fair once we’re all back to regular life?
No more people at your disposal. No more using each other for momentary companionship. The fling is over!
As we reignite with friends, head back to work, and carry on business as usual, the dynamic between you and your fling is definitely going to change! And now I’m asking myself whether or not these Covid flings will turn into something more, or fizzle out.
I suppose only time will tell…but I do offer this insight:
To determine whether or not your fling has staying power may be determined by how far sexually you went with your fling. If you gave it up before they could take you out on at least 3 proper dates, then you’re likely to be doomed! They will feel no need to take you out for patio drinks as you undervalued your worth.
I do realize this, of course, is only a limited belief placed on us by society. It’s up to us if we choose to have the same belief system or not.
…Alas it’s kinda true. I joked to my Covid fling, “Now that we’re in Phase 2, you can take me out on a proper date!” And although he said he looks forward to it, he also joked that he doesn’t have to because I already gave it up. Tsk tsk.
Side note: To be completely honest I do not have an interest to sleep with him again. At least not right now. Sooooo he is going to have to woo me and try and earn it again.
On second thought, we shouldn’t put our expectations onto other people. For one, I’m a firm believer in expectations leading to let down, and two, we have to allow people to just be who they are.
When we put expectations onto others we are kind of trying to control the situation. Rather, let us allow people to show us for who they are. And then, it is our choice what we wish to do with that information.
Anytime I find myself in the bathroom of a new beau, I give myself a second look in the mirror. It’s that “here we go again” kinda look. And in each bathroom mirror I think “maybe this is the one? maybe this is the last time I’ll catch myself in the mirror of a new guy?” Well, since I’m still single, I guess my most perfect mirror match is still out there.
7 months in the mirror prior, a couple weeks in the last, the dating cycle continues as re-evaluating standards is a constant as the relationship progresses, or regresses.
Question: How important is it to you for the person you are seeing to make you breakfast in the morning after you spent the night? I guess I’ve come to learn it’s something of importance to me. This act of kindness shows me you care about me, value me and find me special. So when the guy I am seeing chose not to walk across the street to pick up bacon and eggs this morning, it put a sour taste in the mouth.
I mean, he could’ve at least put in the effort after I had his dick in my mouth.
I’ve kissed three people during the pandemic. How many have you kissed?
Now before you judge me, just understand that I:
am almost 35-years-old
am living with my mom
was dumped pre-Covid
hold questionable career choices
It is not a time for me to also be single. And if you ask me, this whole quarantine, mask wearing, physical distancing thing has been blown way out of proportion. Some of my friends would rage is disagreement, but they are also not in the same predicament I’m in.
As a single almost 35-year-old woman, how can I stop my life? I just want to find my forever man and live happily ever after. At almost 35 years old, I will say this chicken is still pretty spruce mostly thanks to fitness, kale salads and 3L of water a day… I think I look the best I’ve ever looked in my entire life. So you understand when I say that finding a husband now is IMPERATIVE to my well-being.
If I wait, I may become a…..gasp…spinster, or the pigeon lady from Home Alone 2…eeeep!
The timing of the breakup was terrible. How can I rebound when we aren’t even allowed to be within 2 meters of people?! I had to do what I needed to do for my own sanity – date IRL.
One person I met was setup to be my rebound, but I wasn’t feeling it. Another gent had potential, but again, wasn’t feeling it. The third man however, the third feels good, so I think my germ spreading will cease.
The time for me to heal is now, and to heal from heartache during a pandemic has been something else. One day I hope to look back and see how it’s made me stronger and wiser. For now, I’m just trying to not lose my mind.