See. I’m a reformed easy girl.
And I know not how to separate my urges from my standards. And I guess that makes me easy.
We hang out, we found each other attractive and we went at it, and because I didn’t make him wait to have a taste, and because he didn’t have to wine and dine me, I am considered to be easy..
And this is where I struggle.
Cause if I could just be myself, I would fuck you over and over again. And not have to worry what happens the next day. I am so confident and happy in my life I can either take you or leave you and it will be as if nothing has shifted. At least not yet. Not until you earned my love.
As much as I want to fuck you I can’t. I got in my head, and told myself it would mean nothing at all if we slept together. But couldn’t it have just meant sex?! Sex: something that feels oh so good & makes your skin glow.
Why can’t I leave it at that? Why does my mind have to get noisy and start analyzing everything single thing you do?
So I fucked it up.
I no longer felt I could be myself around you. I started to feel judged, and as soon as that happened, my authenticity went out the door, along with my self confidence.
We both repeated old patterns. I hope we both learned something.