Dating is a way we audition each other for parts. Upon meeting, we sit across from each other and verbalize our wants and needs to see if the other person can and wants to deliver these things to us.
We wonder what role this potential new person is going to play in our lives? Will they be a martyr? A saviour? A villain? Will they be “the one”?
Dating is learning about another person slowly, and seeing if you move along the path of life in sync. Now, with the world of real-life dating kinda put on hold, we take to technology to connect with our Tinder and Hinge matches.
This is the era of COVID-19 virtual dating.
(….AKA what they’ve been doing on 90 Day Fiance all along….)
When we connect over FaceTime, we more easily get to know how someone is simply because we can see into their home. We can see where they live, the way they live, how they choose to decorate their home, if they have nice aesthetic taste, etc., and we are easier to judge them more quickly because of all this information we are getting at once.
Dating. Disaster. Overload.
And not to mention, how distracting the video chat is because you can see your beautiful self during the whole damn conversation! I can see my reaction, I can see how interested or uninterested I’m being, I can see everything the person on the other side of the phone can see! And the whole time we are subconsciously sizing each other up in one or all of the following areas:
- how tall is this person? how big is their frame?
- is this someone I would sleep with?
- is this someone I’d introduce to family and friends?
- how much baggage does this person have?
- is this my next long-term partner?
- how much money do they have?
- how is their standard of living?
- are they judging me on my standard of living?
- is this person “THE ONE”?
This is enough noise chatter to drive anyone mad!
And then you get worried about what they learn about you according to your surroundings. For example, chatted with a nice gentleman yesterday, and I got totally self-conscious when I accidentally showed him my pile of clothes on the bedroom floor. No longer was I perfect. Walls came up and I was in my head.
So once I started to feel like I couldn’t be myself and I was worried about the words coming out of my mouth, I started analyzing the entire situation and it was all downhill from there! He called me out on it too. He asked what was on my mind because I kept starring off apparently! I didn’t even know how to answer him. The truth would have been: Oh just low key chill, listening to you talk and wondering if you’re the one?
At the end of the day, we’re all just playing roles in each other’s lives. Usually bringing something to the table for the other person, and vice versa. And perhaps it’s just momentary companionship, and there isn’t anything wrong with that.
I get super neurotic when not in the present moment.
Heaven help me.