a vent.

Growing up I was a bad, bad kid: a bully, an over-eater, a complainer, spoiled and overall a mean girl. According to the four agreements, this is the agreement I made with myself, and in order to move on from this, I need to break this agreement and come up with new ones. 

This would also be part of the negative self-talk we hear spiritual teachers discuss. I guess I thought this life would be easier, but I am just so god damn sensitive.

I gotta toughen up, aka take MMA or kickboxing. I gotta look at the lesson of the last heartache as one that is preparing me for my next love. I needed to go through the experience to understand about myself, to become aware of my anxious attachment issues, to know it’s okay to communicate them and to not be afraid to express them. And if the person on the receiving end doesn’t get it, i t ‘ s  o k a y  and to keep moving.

Is life like this for everyone? Do other people have the same thoughts I do? I like to think I’m more resilient than that. More resilient than to let a Lakeshore punk fuck me up this bad.

Gosh, to any boy who’s heart I ever broke, I am so sorry. I am so sorry for putting you through this loss of self-esteem, loss of identity, and any other shit emotion you felt. I learned a great deal from each of you.

As Arianna would say, thank you, next.

Published by Vanessa

I've always wanted to be a writer. Here goes!

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