“Your truth is what heals” – Gabby Bernstein
We can’t blame other people for not giving us what we want and need when we want and need it. We all have our own “stuff” going on, and coming from a place of understanding and compassion may be the wisest thing we can do for our own peace of mind.
I’m currently reading Gabby Bernstein’s Judgement Detox, and it urges readers to leave the judgement on the shelf.
People are who they are; You are who you are.
They are the way they are due to their beliefs, values, standards, upbringing, environment, personal life, and so many other life factors.
We judge other’s because we are judging ourselves, we feel a lack of…, insecure, vulnerable, and a slew of other not so pretty feelings.
– We get a quick hit of self-righteousness when we judge others, and it’s a reliable crutch when we feel hurt.
– Our judgements toward others make us feel better about ourselves. She goes on to say when we judge our energy weakens and we become unaligned with who we want to be.
….And food for thought, maybe that’s someone who leads with love, compassion and understanding?
For example, the guy I’m seeing didn’t respond to me the way I wanted him to. And guess what? That’s gotta be okay. People are going to do that! People aren’t always going to be able to show up for us in the way we want at the time we want.
It is in those delicate moments that seem difficult where we must show up for ourselves. Give to ourselves the things we are seeking from other people.
I can’t just put it all on him the fact that I’m bored on a beautiful Saturday morning and want to make plans with someone. It’s not his problem my social calendar isn’t booked up with activities!
So, rather than lash out at the guy, how about just letting it be and going through the feelings, regardless of how awful they might feel at the time. Deflated, and rejected.
I’ve also learned that to have successful relationships, we must share our vulnerabilities as well as:
- know our limits
- prioritize self-care over caring for others
- communicate our feelings even if inconvenient to others, and
- ask for what we want and need when we want and need it
So it’s okay I wanted a certain response, and it’s o k a y he wasn’t able to, or didn’t want to give me that response. It’s as simple as that. Do not judge him for this behaviour.
To prioritize my self-care, if truth is what is going to set me free, then I have to be authentic about my feelings, so here it is:
“Dear so and so,
I want to be with someone who says, “YES, Vanessa! Of course I want to hang out with you.” Not someone who says “Maybe later” or “Maybe in a few days.” I really like you, but maybe we should see other people.”
Sounds simple enough, right? Simple is not easy.
Before truth can heal, truth can hurt.