It took 41 minutes after midnight before my mind wandered to thoughts of you. 41 whole minutes! I think that’s pretty damn good! Happy New Year to me!
things will never change and my worst fears will come alive.
fuck you for doing this to me fuck me for allowing you. fuck you for making me think i’m not good enough. fuck you for carrying along. though, you make my insides come alive, passion, heat, hollow.
I’m stoned and I want to text you. 10 years and i’m still repeating the patterns. get stoned, spew my guts to you, have you reject me once again. tonight i will not give in. April 2020 update: Turns out rejection is how I feel loved. This is my comfort, and it’s why I’ve continuedContinue reading “I’m stoned”
I told him we can’t be friends, I told him it has to be all or nothing. I told him it would be a charade if we carried on. He understood. He said his feelings for me are deep, but ultimately, they are unromantic. Biggest sigh of my life* Good night.
Oops, I did it again. I put my heart and feelings on the line to be rejected. I will never understand why he doesn’t want me the way I want him. I will never understand how he doesn’t see and feel the same things I do. I am so fucking awesome. How come he doesn’tContinue reading “Deep gulps & small talk”
I still love you. My feelings and emotions are overwhelmed. Here’s how the story goes: you’re dating her, I’m by the sidelines and soon you’re realize it was me all along. Propose and I’ll say yes. It doesn’t matter everything that’s happened. You’re the one person in my life who knows me, tolerates me, listensContinue reading “still in love”
I’m not really feeling life right now. And I don’t know what to do. My friends have dwindled and I really have no one to talk to, unless I pay $120 for a therapy session. Maybe this life isn’t for me. Sigh. April 2020 update: those therapy sessions are now $200, however since the pandemicContinue reading “Not really feeling life”
I saw my man friend. And here come the rush of feelings I pretend I don’t have for him. I must stop seeing him. Immediately. Driving to a spot by the lake, a part of a song comes on that takes me right back to 8 years ago, when he and I used to sitContinue reading “Just one more moondance with you, my love”