The point of power

The point of power is in the present moment, but I cannot seem to claim it.

I am holding onto negativity from Friday. I felt and still feel blown off, and I pushed it down until today, when I brought it up. I hear crickets. It’s fine if my friend does not want to acknowledge my discomfort, after all it is MY discomfort & I need to work through it.

Thoughts create my future and I do not want these negative thoughts to create tomorrow.

I forgive my friend for not being the person I wanted her to be. I forgive her & I set the situation free.


My Dating Pattern

When I don’t hear from a boy I eat. I eat until my stomach is so full.

I don’t participate in many activities except eating & watching TV.

I disregard the gym and life outside of my house.

When I get in a good groove I feel good. I’m not a slave to my phone and I leave the house. Then I’ll meet a guy and I’ll feel happy. We’ll talk all the time, I’ll think he’s the one — & then we’ll meet and I’ll further convince myself that yes, he is THE ONE.

We’ll make out, fool around, maybe more.

We’ll see each other again — & the slow decline begins: less texts/I have to initiate. I’ll start having expectations like “It’s Friday night therefore we are hanging out.” AND I wait around to hear from him, decline other invites if any arise and make my life revolve around someone I just met.

BLACK & WHITE — I deserve to be cherished and asked out.

I am a lovely woman and I deserve to be treated the way I would treat a man: with love, honour and devotion.

I focus on me, but quickly get lost in the chase for a man & lose myself.

10 Unhealthy Dating Patterns And How To Break Them (summarized)

The article linked above is worth reading a few times! In fact, I’ve bookmarked it. We all know love is blind, so here are a few tips:

  1. No Fantasizing: hard to control, but when you catch yourself reliving that great date, STOP! Snap back into reality
  2. Do Not Get Involved With Unavailable Men: Self explanatory
  3. Stop Chasing Guys: They will ask you out
  4. SLOW DOWN: Get to know the person before declaring them your soulmate. Keep your first few dates confined to a shorter period of time so as to avoid that We talked all night! high, followed by the Where the fuck did he go? low.
  5. Be Cautious of TMI: Don’t tell each other your life stories off the bat
  6. Persure Your Own Dreams: Don’t date a guy just because he has the success you want for yourself
  7. Approve of Yourself: No need to seek outside approval
  8.  LIVE YOUR LIFE: Do not sit around and wait for a text
  9. Again, LIVE YOUR LIFE: Keep active with all that you would normally do
  10. No More Brief, Chaotic Relationships Followed by Periods of Isolation: When operating like the above, you will find yourself here. (Like me: in the last six months I have had countless two week “relationships.”) You will slowly lose yourself and the ability to function how you normally would. Let go of these bad dating patterns, reach out to friends for support, let yourself heal.


I am willing to release the pattern in my consciousness that has created this condition. I release the past and let it wash away. I take back my own power.

Finding comfort

Simon And Garfunkel – El Condor Pasa (if I Could) 

I’d rather be a sparrow than a snail
Yes I would
If I could, I surely would
Hmm mmm

I’d rather be a hammer than a nail
Yes I would
If I only could, I surely would
Hmm mmm

Away, I’d rather sail away
Like a swan that’s here and gone
A man gets tied up to the ground
He gives the world its saddest sound, its saddest sound
Hmm mmm

I’d rather be a forest than a street
Yes I would
If I could, I surely would

I’d rather feel the earth beneath my feet
Yes I would
If I only could, I surely would


Going Down…

I was in an elevator yesterday, and the conversation between two ladies went something like this:

“I went to lunch with Christina today! It was nice.”

“Oh, that’s lovely”

“She’s so pretty. She looks so good everyday. I told her to stop being so pretty!”

*giggles from both ladies*

This light hearted laced sarcasm is a mask covering insecurities and envy. So many women believe something is wrong with their appearance. We compare and contrast internally, and then joke about it out loud to others.

Sarcasm is negative. The undertone of any sarcastic remark is full of negativity.

Let’s embrace our own beauty and the beauty of others.

Be Still & Know

I’m not entirely sure how I feel today, but I know my vibration is out of whack. So I take deep breaths & let go with love.

I acknowledge I am the object of your positive attention & I appreciate your continual gaze on behalf of my wellbeing. Today, no matter where I’m going, who I’m with & who I’m doing it with I will be in conscious awareness that you are there with me, guiding me, acknowledging me, inspiring me, aware of me, loving me, supporting me, showing me, uplifting me. – Words to the universal forces by Abraham Hicks.

Job Wish List

CONTRAST (previous position’s attributes)   VS. CREATE (the position I want to have)

Being under appreciated     vs.     Appreciated

Making $15/hr     vs.     Earning $60K

Not being able to use my education     vs.     Using my PR & Social Media skills

Being the receptionist     vs.     Being a coordinator

Undervalued     vs.     Valued

Anxiety     vs.     Happy at work

Stressed     vs.     Relaxed

I want a job where there is room for professional growth and development, one that is well paid, where I get to manage social media channels, where I get to implement strategies and where I get to coordinate events with an inspirational team and boss.

What are the values I want my next work place to have

I want to work in a place where there are health benefits, with a friendly culture, a company that cares about their employees’ well being and work/life balance. I want to work in a place where there are other young people, in a fun, encouraging environment.


I am totally open & receptive to a wonderful, new position. One that uses all my talents and abilities and allows me to express creatively in ways that are fulfilling to me. I work with and for people whom I like & respect and who like and respect me, in a wonderful location, earning good money.

I grew up like this…!

It’s no surprise I am fat! I AM ITALIAN! I grew up in a household where food was never in short supply. I ate two dinners as a kid, and with every win or loss food was the go to. Food was never a means for energy and nutrition for me. Food was my comfort, my entertainment, my medicine. It gave me temporary fulfillment.

In Louise Hay’s book, You Can Heal Your Life; it says, if you are overweight you are running away from feelings, dealing with insecurity, self-rejection and being oversensitive. Fat often represents fear and a need for protection. Fear may also be a cover for hidden anger and a resistance to forgive.

My protection crept on between Grades 2 and 3. I remember my Grade 3 teacher, Ms. Loge, weighed each of her students in front of each other in the nurses office. I was 93 pounds, and my frenemy Didi laughed and blurted it out loud.

The fat on my body serves me a purpose. It kept me safe from finding true love, because if I didn’t accept myself, who else would? Therefore free from social situations and vulnerability.

It kept me safe from success, because I was okay with not working hard. I’m fat, so who expects anything good from me anyway. This prevents me from truly being on my own, and paying my own way. I can always rely on someone else.

Forgiveness  & Anger – I am still digging these ones out.


I accept my body and all my curves, lumps & hair. I am at peace with my own feelings. I am safe where I am. I create my own security. I love and approve of myself. I am protected by Divine Love. I am always safe & secure. I am wiling to grow up and take responsibility for my life. I forgive others and I now create my own life the way I want it. I am safe.

I feel guilty…

I feel guilty;

Guilty for being at home & doing nothing;

Guilty for someone else to make the first move;

Guilty for being in my room, unbathed, stoned and watching TV;

My neck hurts a lot, and it’s like I can’t do anything fast enough.

I feel okay with taking a time out. I must let go and reflect:

The person I need to forgive is myself & I forgive me for not loving myself, I forgive me for not valuing myself, I forgive me for not being gentle with myself & I forgive me for being hard on myself.

After being fired…

I was let go from my job at the beginning of December. This was the first time I was fired, & I was okay with the decision because I was not happy in that environment anymore, and it was starting to show.

I left the building feeling relieved, with a renewed sense of hope for a better job and with two tote bags full of shoes. I took a taxi home & was delighted that everyone would be talking about me and sad I didn’t get to say bye to certain people.

This is how I felt in the days after:

– I felt angry

– I felt used

– I felt unappreciated

– I felt in despair

– I felt lonely

– I felt like a failure

After you sit and stew in what happened, resentful emotions come out to play. I sought for advice, and it was to not focus on how I felt, but to focus on how I wanted to feel.

– I wanted to feel supported

– I wanted to feel energetic

– I wanted to feel loved

– I wanted to feel excited

– I wanted to feel involved

– I wanted to feel content