Covid & the changing dating landscape

Well, I’m glad to say I kept some of my fat clothes. There’s a definite expansion in my waist these days, and it might be from stress eating!

Right now, it’s all about being comfortable, and with the world turned upside down, it’s easy to get swept away in news-fear and anxiety. We are turning into a virtual world, and that’s kinda scary. The flip side would be about embracing the change and trusting the government… (even if that’s hard to do).

The freedom, we once took for granted we no longer know.

Even the dating landscape has changed.

The conventional wine-and-dine dating is out the window. There are no more dinner dates, movie dates, bowling dates etc. 

If you’re dating during Covid you can now expect a series of FaceTime calls and maybe a physical distancing park date (which come to think of… the park date was V common pre-covid) but you could usually couple that with a coffee stop. 

So when it comes to dating during Covid, what kinda in-person activities can we actually do? I mean, we want to get off our devices and do things in person, right?

Here are some suggestions:

  • Do takeout + drinks and enjoy the meal at the park (if picnicking is allowed?)
  • Netflix and virtual chill
  • Nights where you jam out to music together – can be done in person or over Zoom
  • Go for a hike – a longer hang out, you can see how physically fit someone is, how they interact with others, what kinda snacks they pack, how they may assist if something were to happen… etc.

BUT…a big problem with the in-person hangout is the lack of il bagno… so if nature calls, you gotta hold it (or go home)! Another is the lack of touching allowed. When you’re meeting someone for the first time I guess it’s just about a friendly nod or wave nowadays. But what if you want to go in for the hug? I mean you gotta check if they give good hugs right?!

And now the question I’m asking myself is how long do you wait to sleep with someone?

You’ve been video chatting and going for walks with someone for awhile now, ya’ll like each other…so, what is the next step? Maybe it’s sending a hot pic? Maybe it’s sexting? But when does it actually get physical?

There was a formula pre-covid women could oblige by: sex after three dates. But this no longer applies! There is no way I’m gonna give up the cookie after a few park walks, is there?! 

Let’s look on the bright side

I think right now, we have the opportunity to really get to know someone without our hormones getting in the way. We can take this different approach to dating and run with it. It might give us the opportunity to build a foundation with someone, rather than jump from situationship to situationship chasing the initial high of matching with someone new. But, do we have the patience to make this happen?

It’s kinda like Netflix’ Love is Blind, and I embrace it! But I’m def not giving up the cookie easy during this! And neither should you!

isolation boredom + dating momentum

There’s something to be said about maintaining the momentum when online dating, especially now during COVID. We are faced with many matches and an urge to make a connection with someone and perhaps even sustain said connection all while we’re stuck at home.

If the connection wheel is a spinning and you let it slow down or stop, you run the risk of your perspective post-COVID companion to find someone else to spin their wheel in the meantime. This can lead to a lost connection.

So many fast and furious connections, people looking for that instant attraction, chemistry and spark. We are ready to connect with someone, ANYONE, due to isolation boredom. And looking for a partner out of boredom isn’t going to bring you who you want. I call it conjuring up a game of bored and seek. It’s when we are looking for our next fix. Sometimes these “situationships” die off quick because we lack the ability to keep the momentum going.

But there are moments we manage to make a wonderful connection where you actually feel the other person’s energy. This goodness and sense of another person’s humanness is utter JOY! But unlike S04E04 of Black Mirror, we don’t know how long we’re going to be connected to that person. Will it be just a few hours? 1 month? 5 years?…

So I write this because there is a moral of the story: if the vibes feel good, keep the dating momentum wheel going by moving it little by little. If it feels good do it, don’t overthink it, and maybe eventually it will keep spinning all on its own.

embrace your pain

The world is on pause, yet life doesn’t feel much different. the same loneliness rattles in my head, the same daydreams circle about, the same suffering occurs.

Eckhart Tolle says to not resist your pain, to surrender to the grief, despair, fear etc., He says to witness it without labelling it mentally and just allow it to be. In fact he says to embrace it. Then, we are to see how the miracle of surrender transmute deep suffering into deep peace.

Okay, so I surrender. I surrender these feelings, I surrender this pain. I surrender the attachment I have to all the relationships in my life. I surrender the labels I’ve given myself over the years.

Through the pain and suffering we quietly return to ourselves.

Continue reading “embrace your pain”

Say a little prayer for you…

When things start to feel like they’re too much, take your hands off the wheel. Place the power in the universe’s hands and trust in the process. They say if we listen closely we may hear guidance from the universe. This can be in the form of words, an image, a song… Sometimes I get an internal whisper, and go with it. Gabrielle Bernstein has dubbed this our Inner Guide (ING).

But sometimes I wonder, is this the universe guiding me, or is it just that inner voice, maybe the ego??

So, when shit starts to hit the emotional fan, the one thing I know I always have is prayer. So I pause and say a little prayer for me.

They usually go something like:

Dear Universe, HELP! I need a miracle!

or

Dear Universe, please do for me what I cannot do for myself.

These prayers are all encompassing and cover a wide area. I enjoy the moment of relief and carry on. If I need it again, I can always come back to it.

When I can pinpoint exactly why I’m feeling a certain way I will get more specific with my prayer. This usually has to do with praying to see a situation differently, praying for forgiveness, and praying to handle things with LOVE rather than FEAR.

Reading The Universe Has Your Back, and so far so good. It’s very much a culmination of the self-help books and spiritual work I’ve been doing over the past 12 years. Louise Hay, Marianne Williamson, Wayne Dyer, Abraham Hicks. Gabby has a great way of summing everything up and showing us how we can apply meditation, prayer, and affirmations to everyday life.

 

quick tips on getting over a breakup

I love these tips I saw in an Instagram post the other day… super simple and SUPER helpful!

Check it out:

  1. Block them on everything
  2. Redirect your thinking to focus on YOU when you think of them
  3. Don’t stalk them
  4. Change your “why me”mindset to “I’m grateful for this lesson”

Mic Drop.

the fast and the furious – Covid dating update

“Dating” during Covid is like the fast and the furious. So many connections, so many future plans for dates but you know talk is cheap. Am I just being cynical? If not, then I’ve agreed to a number of dates, but it’s easy to commit when you know no real commitment actually exists. The length of the new found match varies from one conversation, to a phone call, to a FaceTime, to never speaking to them ever again. Sounds just like regular online dating, right? Well minus the FT.  In these times there is less concerned focused on getting to know a match as we quickly swift to someone new and see how they are coping.

Pre-Covid, the general dating routine after matching is to talk for a little, if there is a spark, switch to texting, if the spark remains, a phone call is due, then if the guy isn’t a complete weirdo who cannot stop talking about how much he can bench press you set up the in person meet and greet. Something short and non-committal. I like a coffee date.

Continue reading “the fast and the furious – Covid dating update”

Pussy Wagon

For those regarded as warriors when engaged in combat, the vanquishing of thine enemy can be the warrior’s only concern. Suppress all human emotion and compassion. Kill whoever stands in the way, even if that’s the Lord God or Buddha himself. The truth lies at the heart of the art of combat.

Revenge is never a straight line. It’s a forest. And like a forest, it’s easy to lose your way, to get lost…to forget where you came in.

-Kill Bill Vol.1


Kill Bill is such a beautiful movie. About love.

Superheros vs. coupon cutters (regular people, me)

Superman vs. Clark Kent – Kent was weak, unsure of himself and a coward. Side note: the same qualities of J.R.

Seeing the relationship as a stepping stone. Needed that part to get to the next place I’m going. He is not going to show up at my aunt’s house, find me in the backyard and start opening up about his emotions and shit. Vanessa, accept that it’s over. It’s okay if it sucks. It should suck. Someone you held in high regard, someone you desired no longer wants you. “The person of your utmost desire is now repulsed by you.” Toward the end of the relationship I legit made him cringe. CRINGE. yuck. Getting the hebejebes just thinking about it. So many fish in the sea; where is my next catch?

I’d like to have open, vulnerable communication with the next catch, allowing us to get intimate on a deep, continuous level.

 

the cursed woman

This is an 1859 painting by Nicolas François Octave. It’s called the Cursed Woman.

Image-1

Why on Earth is she cursed? So I did a little google, and the only thing I can find is that this painting depicts the heavenly side to an orgasm. Yes totally, I can dig that. So again, why is she “cursed”?

So I got to thinking…

Perhaps this picture is to signify a few of the voices within us.

  1. The in-between the legs: this is the voice of lust. The voice we have that comes from the lust portion of a relationship. The wanting, the desire, the pleasure. The one that tells you just for tonight do the thing that will make your sex organs feel good, even if you have to bend your values a little bit. Just for tonight you can let him have his way, and tomorrow you can stand in your truth.
  2. The voice of the heart: this is the one of hopes and dreams and romantic love. That over the rainbow type feeling you’re only accustomed to seeing on those W Network movies. (You know exactly what I’m talking about). The feeling of being in love. It’s so sweet and happy…is that joy I feel?
  3. Your actual voice: how you actually express yourself and put into words the internal voices.

So how does this curse women?

Continue reading “the cursed woman”

ask and you shall receive

A spiritual teacher I know believes we can speak into the universe the things we want. And if you believe in the law of attraction, or recognize just how powerful our thoughts actually are, I reckon you believe this too.

So, if you want to manifest, here are the steps to follow:

  • Think about the thing(s) you want
  • Speak it out into the universe – verbalize it out loud!
  • Visualize it: get into a meditation and be in it. What does it feel like to have your desires? What does it sound like? What does it look like, taste like, smell like? Get into all the details as deeply as you can and just be in this deliciousness for a few moments.

and then… LET IT GO. The key to surrendering is giving up our attachment to results.

Allow the Universe to do the work. Allow it to deliver the things you need in order to grow, become more aware, and level up to get the dreams you have.

And remember, we must be patient with the process.

😉

“A zen Buddhist sees things the way they are, not clinging onto ideals or focusing on how things should be. This allows a person to be attentive, accept reality as is and sit in the silence. From this silence comes great knowledge and unusual powers. Letting go of how things ought to be allows life to flow naturally bringing with it a higher level of being.”