covid winter dating = wear your thermals

As I prepare for a first date, I have no idea how to dress. It’s cold outside, and since indoor dining is not allowed, I know I have to dress warmly. Is it possible to look cute while all bundled up? Things I pondered while putting on a thermal layered shirt, different style toques and choosing the right pair of gloves.

I ask myself: do we meet in the Starbucks with our masks on? Or do we meet in the parking lot before hand and see each other’s faces in human form before we commence the date? Dating in December when you are forced to stay outdoors brings up all sorts of questions.

What’s fun about these outdoor dates though: you can bring a flask, hoodies are acceptable, but frankly you don’t even need to worry about your outfit since your jacket will be on! One hot tip from tonight: definitely bring a blanket to sit on because you won’t last long on a frigid park bench.

And you may end up hanging out in his car, listening to music, and that’s kind of my happy place….

How is your outdoor Covid dating going?

Dick Distraction = Dating Detox

It seems every time I get involved in a love relationship I lose myself. I lose my standards, my voice, my passions, my healthy habits. I get so wrapped up in men, the attention I get, the hopes and dreams of finding “the one”, that I drop the things that are important to me and focus 100% on the guy. This is my pattern on repeat.

This is a flashing red light telling me there is so much inner work I gotta do. So here I am again, reading all my self-help books, talking to my therapist, learning about chakras + reiki and doing anything to help me gain my power and heal.

This led me to taking a 30 day detox from dating, and sometimes I get so irritable, releasing my anger on the people who actually love me.

What can I do here?

Be serving to those that love me – When I’m dating a guy I will go above and beyond for him. Well now, I’m going to start going above and beyond to family and friends

Embrace my needs – I’m a sensitive person who picks up on other people’s energy, so often I need a lot of time to retreat, and I don’t think others understand this. Communicating my needs and following through without judging myself or feeling shame.

Feel my feelings – Not every day is going to be a bucket of sunshine, and that is OK. It’s actually perfectly normal. All we can do is be aware of how we’re feeling and allow the feelings to pass through. “This too shall pass”.

Deep dig – Figure out what’s going on within me that I’m attracting commitment-phoebe men. Which I’m pretty sure comes down to self-esteem and self-worth.

So I pray to God to help me let go of the things I cannot control, and embrace and love myself exactly as I am.

Here’s a helpful article if you too are thinking of taking a dating detox: https://www.instyle.com/dating-detox-bad-relationships-break

words from God

Some days are good, some days are bad, some fall somewhere in the middle, and there isn’t much you can do but go with the flow of life.

You cannot control the outcome, you cannot rush. You will not always get your way.

Be aware of feelings.

Be patient with the process.

Believe everything is unfolding just as it should.

Trust.

the wisdom of Anthony Kiedis.

Warning: spoiler alert.

Anthony Kiedis has a way of living that I am a little envious of. It’s something I’ve been working toward for the last several years. It’s the ability to just go with the flow of life, tackling any obstacles head on, the best you can and letting go of all control.

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Just finished reading Scar Tissue, and it is hands down one of the best reads I’ve ever had. The reminisings of his life are exciting, scandalous, illegal, sexy, and just outright wild. He’s not afraid of anything. He will try to talk his way into and weasel his way out of of anything to get the desired outcome he is looking for. An opportunist, a fearless dirt bag. It’s kinda of amazing he didn’t die or get arrested with all of his shenanigans.

His drug addiction was the main theme of the book. The relapses, the getting clean, the withdrawals, the pawning off of stolen items to get his hands on any amount of dope he could find. And what was his saving grace? Meditation, prayer and sitting with the emotions.

I’ve made the decision to stop doing drugs many times before, but I  never followed up with the daily maintenance, the cultivation of a path to a spiritual awakening. I think that anyone who comes in and works all of the steps and goes to meetings and is of constant love and server is guaranteed to stay sober. But anyone who comes in like I did in the past and picks’ and chooses and thinks, “I’ll do it some days, I won’t do it others. I’ll work some steps, but I won’t work the others. I’ll take the call sometimes, but sometimes I’m too busy.” is doomed to failure. You can’t buy seven tenths of the way into the program and expect to get seven tenths back; you get nothing back unless you give yourself completely.

Some other big takeaways if you wish to kick a bad habit, and these can be applied to whatever your addiction may be (love, sex, food, drugs):

  • take care of yourself and lead by example
  • be a “program of attraction, rather than promotion” because nobody likes being told what to do
  • when you feel shitty, go out and help someone else. The minute you get out of your self-centered mind you are free of pain
  • be willing to admit you don’t know everything and were wrong about some things
  • when the obsession or craving comes back, sit with the feeling and allow it to pass by
  • get a dog!

Conclusion: amazing read, highly recommend it.

 

beauty is pain?

Women are on a mission to stay young, tight, and beautiful! Primping, priming, painting, crimping, extending, removing, gluing, taping, sucking-in, bleaching, waxing, plucking, etc. etc. etc., the things we do to ourselves to achieve and maintain beauty.

We know beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but here is what the dictionary says:

Beauty (noun)

  1. a combination of qualities, such as shape, colour, or form, that pleases the aesthetic senses, especially the sight.

That basically explains why the Kardashians are so beautiful! They’ve manufactured themselves into the right shapes and colours! And all of us? We’re just trying to catch up.

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We buy products that celebrities endorse, we try the workouts they publicise, and eat up the fad diets they promote (celery juice anyone?).

I write this as I cradle my stomach, and think I would do anything to have a beautiful flat tummy! Will this body obsession ever go away? It’s like we are striving for “perfection”, this balancing of the bust-to-hip-to-waist ratio and this obsession can be consuming af!

A brief moment in beauty history

Did you know hair removal started with the Egyptians. They made tweezers out of seashells to get rid of unwanted hair. “In ancient times, hairlessness signified social position and wealth.”*

Long, straight hair was all the rage way back in the day. Hair was how women showed their femininity. Some cultures would even punish women who had sexual indiscretions by shaving her hair off! And if a woman wanted to be liberated? She’d shave her own hair off!

Continue reading “beauty is pain?”

The Covid-15 is real!

Carbs carbs and more carbs, this is what I’ve been eating day after day during pandemic, and it’s starting to show!

Oh weight loss, why does the struggle gotta be so real?

People will come to me and tell me how they know they need to lose weight, that they no longer like the way their clothes fit, or how they look in the mirror. It’s hard to keep someone motivated on their weight loss journey because losing weight is a process! And the process can feel like a struggle. The reason for that is because we want those instant results, that instant gratification: fat melting, toned arms, flat stomachs. We think that after a couple of days of mindful eating + cardio we will be “skinny”. SMH.

I’m sorry to say, weight loss is hard. If it was easy, everyone would do it!

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Easy vs. Hard.

Is it easy to have a slice of cake? Yes. 

Is it hard to resist that sweet, creamy, light cake vanilla temptation? 100 x Yes!

That right there proves losing weight is not easy and it’s not for everyone. We live in a society drowning in junk food, constantly offered cookies, chips and crap on the regular.

Here’s a hard truth: it’s going to take months of discipline, embracing change and saying YES to ourselves in a whole new way to see the results we want.

When you think about it, accumulating weight takes months and years of poor eating habits and inactivity. So, when it comes to losing it, it’s important to recongize that we need to give ourselves patience and trust with the process.  

Some important factors to weight loss success:

#1. Mental toughness: Having the mentality that this is what you want! Making your mind up that you want to lose weight.

Two of my aunt’s were talking:

Zia L: “How do you do it [weight loss]?”

Zia AM: “Step one is up here,” as she pointed to her head, “you have to decide you want it.”…and that right there is some mad truth!

#2. Consistency: Consistently exercising 3-5 days per week, consistently saying “NO!” to unhealthy food choices. Being consistent with our healthy actions is like planting a seed that we must water and give sunshine to every day for it to grow.

#3. Body Acceptance: Loving and appreciating your body exactly as it is right now. Yep, that includes our tummies, thick thighs and bat wings. Give it up to all the things our bodies do for us: breathing, seeing, smelling, feet to stand on, legs that move us, teeth that chew our food – you get the point! And for those Moms out there – you gave birth! Holy heck! What an amazing feat!! Our bodies are pretty awesome and we need to let our holy temple know how much we love and appreciate it.

#4. Awareness: Taking the time to be aware of how your body feels. For example, how does your body feel after feeding it a nourishing meal VS. a sugary bowl of cereal? Are you more energized? Less bloated? Or, how do you feel after a long walk or spending time in nature?

Our bodies will respond to how we fuel it. Sugar = inflamation,  refined carbs= bloating for a lot of people, whereas whole foods will leave you feeling and looking your healthiest.

When we are aware of our bodily sensations we are equipped to choose better.

Side note: Did you know 4 grams of sugar = 1 teaspoon. So if a can of Coke has 39 grams of sugar, that’s 9.75 tsp of sugar… that’s a lot of fucking sugar.

#5. Speak your goals: Write them down, say them out loud, and share them with a trusting love one who can keep you accountable.


I understand that if I want my body to look a certain way, there are things I need to do in order to achieve those goals.

Being disciplined is hard! It’s easy to give in for the quick fix of junk food. Sugar is a drug after all and weight loss is very much a mental game.

The steps to weight loss are clear, and if you follow it, it’s actually pretty simple: you have to make better choices. It’s about not eating the white stuff, and if you are, don’t do it two days in a row. It’s about discipline, and asking yourself if the food choice you’re about to make is going to help you reach your goal or detour you, it’s about knowing the difference between appetite and actually being hungry.

If losing weight is something you actually want to do, try a move of empowerment and kindly turn down that slice of cake while saying “YES” to you, your body, and your goals!

judgement detox.

“Your truth is what heals” – Gabby Bernstein

We can’t blame other people for not giving us what we want and need when we want and need it. We all have our own “stuff” going on, and coming from a place of understanding and compassion may be the wisest thing we can do for our own peace of mind.

I’m currently reading Gabby Bernstein’s Judgement Detox, and it urges readers to leave the judgement on the shelf.

People are who they are; You are who you are.

They are the way they are due to their beliefs, values, standards, upbringing, environment, personal life, and so many other life factors.

We judge other’s because we are judging ourselves, we feel a lack of…, insecure, vulnerable, and a slew of other not so pretty feelings.

Gabby says:
– We get a quick hit of self-righteousness when we judge others, and it’s a reliable crutch when we feel hurt.

– Our judgements toward others make us feel better about ourselves. She goes on to say when we judge our energy weakens and we become unaligned with who we want to be.

….And food for thought, maybe that’s someone who leads with love, compassion and understanding?

Continue reading “judgement detox.”

a Sunday pick-me-up

When you need a little pick me up, try Transforming:

Fear into Courage

Not Enough into Plenty

Old Patters of Behaviour into Fresh Responses

Anger into Cleansing Breath

Sorrow into Hope

Grief into Rebirth

Loneliness into support

Dis-empowerment into Confident Action

Creative Dormancy into Full Expression

Superficiality into True Being

Masks into Love of What Really Is

Shortsightedness into Eagle Vision

Limitations into Possibility

Projections into Conscious Ownership

Stuckness into Movement

Depression into Light

Bondage into Freedom

Control into a Loose, Flexible Grip

Obsession into Letting it Be

Anxiety into Flow

Fragmentations into Wholeness

Shame into Acceptance of the Process of Life

Mistrust into Trust

Judgement into Allowing