Table for two.

I went for lunch with an old coworker of mine. It went alright. But when she started talking about the place I got fired from, I did feel uncomfortable. I suppose I’d have rather stayed in my state of ignorance than know the place of business is still functioning properly without me.

It was also strange to hear about the girl who took over for me, and that this coworker I was out for lunch with was gunning for my old job, and other former coworkers were encouraging her.

I guess I feel no sense of loyalty.

When it comes to work, can you really be friends with the people who work there? I say no.

It is strange I went for lunch with this particular coworker because her and I never really got along. We had to share a job, and we were usually pretty stressed out about each other & duelling responsibilities.

This tells me I have work to do in order to let go and move on from my former job.

dear universe, please help!

You’re not hired & I’m not that into you

I didn’t get the job I interviewed for last week. I suppose this only means I wasn’t aligned vibrationally with the position; my timing was off.

What this means is I get more time to fill in my grid, and find the perfect fitting position for me.

I welcome a new, exciting position, one where I can use all my talents and thrive in the work environment. A place where I can further develop my skills and grow with the company. Earning good money in a wonderful location.

On another note, someone I went on one date with, who I barely heard from again, decided to text me over
a month after we went out to let me know he doesn’t want a relationship.
… I think I got the hint, but I applaud him for being upfront. Even if it was late notice.

Two rejections, one day.

When you know what you don’t want, you find the path to what you do want.

Everything’s a sign.

It is my belief there are no coincidences in life. So when my ex
Boyfriend sends me a pic with my ex lover’s name on it, what am I to think?

2015/01/img_5810.jpg

Lately I have been pondering if my ex boyfriend Ian is “the one.” Sure we had our problems, but maybe if we try again we could accept each other’s flaws and work it out.

Then I get that photo, with the name Ryan. Ryan has haunted me for 10 years, being in & out of my life a repeated number of times. It was always my belief he was my soul mate. But we never worked out the way I had always imagined.

He was also the reason my relationship did not work out. Even though I was with Ian, my mind was on Ryan.

So could this be a reminder from the universe as to why Ian & I broke up. A reminder that since I was not yet over Ryan I could not have something real with someone else?

I’m a bit bewildered.

Thoughts?

List of Gratitude

I am grateful for my loving, caring & thoughtful mom

I am grateful for my brother & father, their loving support

I am grateful for my comfortable home

I am grateful for my grandmother who’d never let me go hungry

I am grateful for my grandfather as I learned so much from him growing up

I am grateful for my large family & being able to talk with them

I am grateful for my friends: E, I, T, M

I am grateful for the air I breath

I am grateful for my body & being healthy and mobile

I am grateful for everyone in my life, past & present, for the lessons I’ve learned & for growing through those experiences

I am grateful for this free country in which I live

I am grateful I am able

Mental housecleaning

I’ve had a hard time with mental housecleaning today. My inside voice has not been kind today. When negativity arose this morning while I sat on the toilet, I said to myself:
“I love & approve of myself, I love & approve of myself, I love & approve of myself.”

I have limiting beliefs that are running my life, or lack of life.

– I’m not good enough
– Lack of self-love
– Life is dangerous

These are beliefs that were instilled in me growing up. Things that were said by relatives, teachers, friends, authority figures. If we write down these negative messages, we can objectively see where certain beliefs came from.

Some beliefs that make me feel not good enough

– My grandma told an old boyfriend of mine I was lazy.

– My grandfather always cautioned someone would steal me when I went outside

– My brother called me stupid & a loser

– My grade 5 teacher called me pokey

– My aunts ask when I’ll have good news that I’m with someone (because apparently that is all that matters in this world)

& so on.

Louise Hay says to toss them out; let them go as easily as you would scrape bits of food into the trash after a meal.

Would you really dig into yesterday’s garbage to make tonight’s dinner?

Do you dig into old mental garbage to create tomorrow’s experiences?

If a thought or belief doesn’t serve you let it go. Just because you believe it once, doesn’t mean you have to believe it forever.

Free & forgive these people, then you will be able to free yourself.

Here is a great mediation that can help by Ellaeenah Jadefire Healing The Inner Child

Can you relate?

Manifesting the Relationship You Want

Ask yourself: Am I practicing the path to what I want OR Am I practicing the path that is easiest to practice? (i.e. complaining because complaining comes naturally)

Focus on, identify with and determine the type of relationship you want. Think about:

  • What it would feel like to be in this delicious relationship
  • What it feels like to be the object of someone’s attention
  • What it feels like to move through life, making decisions together
  • What invincibility feels like
  • What love and appreciation feels like

THINK ABOUT IT, REACH FOR IT, FIND THE FEELING!

Once you’ve identified and practiced what it would feel like, you are on the path of least resistance.

Every time you feel worried, you’re off the path. Every time you’re frustrated, you’re off the path. Every time you’re lonely, you’re off the path. When you are moody, critical or picky, you are off the path.

When you feel happy, invincible, appreciation for anything YOU ARE ON THE PATH.

Open your path by doing things you like.

When things don’t go well, LAUGH. Bask in the joy you are on your way to changing your way of thinking. LAUGH and say “Ain’t that the way the life goes? At least I know I’m on my way to my path and I’m making conscious changes.”

The point of power

The point of power is in the present moment, but I cannot seem to claim it.

I am holding onto negativity from Friday. I felt and still feel blown off, and I pushed it down until today, when I brought it up. I hear crickets. It’s fine if my friend does not want to acknowledge my discomfort, after all it is MY discomfort & I need to work through it.

Thoughts create my future and I do not want these negative thoughts to create tomorrow.

I forgive my friend for not being the person I wanted her to be. I forgive her & I set the situation free.

wish

My Dating Pattern

When I don’t hear from a boy I eat. I eat until my stomach is so full.

I don’t participate in many activities except eating & watching TV.

I disregard the gym and life outside of my house.

When I get in a good groove I feel good. I’m not a slave to my phone and I leave the house. Then I’ll meet a guy and I’ll feel happy. We’ll talk all the time, I’ll think he’s the one — & then we’ll meet and I’ll further convince myself that yes, he is THE ONE.

We’ll make out, fool around, maybe more.

We’ll see each other again — & the slow decline begins: less texts/I have to initiate. I’ll start having expectations like “It’s Friday night therefore we are hanging out.” AND I wait around to hear from him, decline other invites if any arise and make my life revolve around someone I just met.

BLACK & WHITE — I deserve to be cherished and asked out.

I am a lovely woman and I deserve to be treated the way I would treat a man: with love, honour and devotion.

I focus on me, but quickly get lost in the chase for a man & lose myself.

10 Unhealthy Dating Patterns And How To Break Them (summarized)

The article linked above is worth reading a few times! In fact, I’ve bookmarked it. We all know love is blind, so here are a few tips:

  1. No Fantasizing: hard to control, but when you catch yourself reliving that great date, STOP! Snap back into reality
  2. Do Not Get Involved With Unavailable Men: Self explanatory
  3. Stop Chasing Guys: They will ask you out
  4. SLOW DOWN: Get to know the person before declaring them your soulmate. Keep your first few dates confined to a shorter period of time so as to avoid that We talked all night! high, followed by the Where the fuck did he go? low.
  5. Be Cautious of TMI: Don’t tell each other your life stories off the bat
  6. Persure Your Own Dreams: Don’t date a guy just because he has the success you want for yourself
  7. Approve of Yourself: No need to seek outside approval
  8.  LIVE YOUR LIFE: Do not sit around and wait for a text
  9. Again, LIVE YOUR LIFE: Keep active with all that you would normally do
  10. No More Brief, Chaotic Relationships Followed by Periods of Isolation: When operating like the above, you will find yourself here. (Like me: in the last six months I have had countless two week “relationships.”) You will slowly lose yourself and the ability to function how you normally would. Let go of these bad dating patterns, reach out to friends for support, let yourself heal.

AFFIRMATION

I am willing to release the pattern in my consciousness that has created this condition. I release the past and let it wash away. I take back my own power.