quick tips on getting over a breakup

I love these tips I saw in an Instagram post the other day… super simple and SUPER helpful!

Check it out:

  1. Block them on everything
  2. Redirect your thinking to focus on YOU when you think of them
  3. Don’t stalk them
  4. Change your “why me”mindset to “I’m grateful for this lesson”

Mic Drop.

the fast and the furious – Covid dating update

“Dating” during Covid is like the fast and the furious. So many connections, so many future plans for dates but you know talk is cheap. Am I just being cynical? If not, then I’ve agreed to a number of dates, but it’s easy to commit when you know no real commitment actually exists. The length of the new found match varies from one conversation, to a phone call, to a FaceTime, to never speaking to them ever again. Sounds just like regular online dating, right? Well minus the FT.  In these times there is less concerned focused on getting to know a match as we quickly swift to someone new and see how they are coping.

Pre-Covid, the general dating routine after matching is to talk for a little, if there is a spark, switch to texting, if the spark remains, a phone call is due, then if the guy isn’t a complete weirdo who cannot stop talking about how much he can bench press you set up the in person meet and greet. Something short and non-committal. I like a coffee date.

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Pussy Wagon

For those regarded as warriors when engaged in combat, the vanquishing of thine enemy can be the warrior’s only concern. Suppress all human emotion and compassion. Kill whoever stands in the way, even if that’s the Lord God or Buddha himself. The truth lies at the heart of the art of combat.

Revenge is never a straight line. It’s a forest. And like a forest, it’s easy to lose your way, to get lost…to forget where you came in.

-Kill Bill Vol.1

Kill Bill is such a beautiful movie. About love.

Superheros vs. coupon cutters (regular people, me)

Superman vs. Clark Kent – Kent was weak, unsure of himself and a coward. Side note: the same qualities of J.R.

Seeing the relationship as a stepping stone. Needed that part to get to the next place I’m going. He is not going to show up at my aunt’s house, find me in the backyard and start opening up about his emotions and shit. Vanessa, accept that it’s over. It’s okay if it sucks. It should suck. Someone you held in high regard, someone you desired no longer wants you. “The person of your utmost desire is now repulsed by you.” Toward the end of the relationship I legit made him cringe. CRINGE. yuck. Getting the hebejebes just thinking about it. So many fish in the sea; where is my next catch?

I’d like to have open, vulnerable communication with the next catch, allowing us to get intimate on a deep, continuous level.


the cursed woman

This is an 1859 painting by Nicolas François Octave. It’s called the Cursed Woman.


Why on Earth is she cursed? So I did a little google, and the only thing I can find is that this painting depicts the heavenly side to an orgasm. Yes totally, I can dig that. So again, why is she “cursed”?

So I got to thinking…

Perhaps this picture is to signify a few of the voices within us.

  1. The in-between the legs: this is the voice of lust. The voice we have that comes from the lust portion of a relationship. The wanting, the desire, the pleasure. The one that tells you just for tonight do the thing that will make your sex organs feel good, even if you have to bend your values a little bit. Just for tonight you can let him have his way, and tomorrow you can stand in your truth.
  2. The voice of the heart: this is the one of hopes and dreams and romantic love. That over the rainbow type feeling you’re only accustomed to seeing on those W Network movies. (You know exactly what I’m talking about). The feeling of being in love. It’s so sweet and happy…is that joy I feel?
  3. Your actual voice: how you actually express yourself and put into words the internal voices.

So how does this curse women?

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ask and you shall receive

A spiritual teacher I know believes we can speak into the universe the things we want. And if you believe in the law of attraction, or recognize just how powerful our thoughts actually are, I reckon you believe this too.

So, if you want to manifest, here are the steps to follow:

  • Think about the thing(s) you want
  • Speak it out into the universe – verbalize it out loud!
  • Visualize it: get into a meditation and be in it. What does it feel like to have your desires? What does it sound like? What does it look like, taste like, smell like? Get into all the details as deeply as you can and just be in this deliciousness for a few moments.

and then… LET IT GO. The key to surrendering is giving up our attachment to results.

Allow the Universe to do the work. Allow it to deliver the things you need in order to grow, become more aware, and level up to get the dreams you have.

And remember, we must be patient with the process.


“A zen Buddhist sees things the way they are, not clinging onto ideals or focusing on how things should be. This allows a person to be attentive, accept reality as is and sit in the silence. From this silence comes great knowledge and unusual powers. Letting go of how things ought to be allows life to flow naturally bringing with it a higher level of being.”

on the importance of being imperfect.

If we’re too preoccupied about appearing perfect we are going to start living inauthentically. We will be in our heads; we will examine and second guess every move we make and every word we say. Enough to make anyone go crazy, am I right?

It’s okay to make mistakes – mistakes are what make us grow. And if we do not grow we will repeat the same patterns until we learn to do different and see different, or until we die. This might be about putting into practice things that we don’t yet understand in order to see the bigger picture.

Quick moral of the story? Get out of your head and get out of your own way.

Louise Hay would have us recite: “I am perfect, whole and complete.”

But maybe she means it’s in our imperfections that make us perfect, whole and complete just the way we are. Accepting ourselves for our curiosities, silly questions, world views and idiosyncrasies.

“I accept myself for exactly who I am and where I’m at in this precise moment. I am perfect, whole and complete.”


emotional pain > physical pain

I think some people don’t understand just how painful a breakup can be. Often times, friends and family of the afflicted will provide advice like: “you can do better”, “your ex ain’t shit”, “there are plenty of fish in the sea” and a slew of other things meant to help you out. Don’t get me wrong, the shoulders to cry on are much appreciated and needed, but sometimes these people haven’t experienced a break up before, so like… how can they relate?

The problem is, I think some people do not understand emotional pain doesn’t just go away after one week of bed rest, chicken noodle soup and vitamins. No. It lingers. And as the realization that relationship is not coming back sinks in further, you may re-experience the feelings of sadness and grief you felt in the first place weeks and months later.

Why? Triggers. Triggers exist all around us. When the radio plays a certain song, when you drive into a certain neighbourhood, when you see a meme he or she would have appreciated…

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when it doesn’t go as planned

Sometimes it can feel like we have to start all over again. When you’re so sure about something and then it doesn’t turn out how you planned, well yeah, this can be a huge bummer.

It’s a time when maybe we have to admit we were wrong. This can bring on guilt, anger and uncertainty. Perhaps we feel we’ve lost part of our identity and no longer know which way to turn. It’s a lot to process when you had hope for a relationship.

And now is the time to reflect, regroup and recommit to your values and life.

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