The World Record for the Longest First Date

Did I just set a new Guinness World Record for the longest first date? At the time I started this post, we were going on 360 hours spent together, mostly under one roof. It’s completely arguable though if it still counts as a date once we reached the point that we were no longer interested in each other, but were more or less stuck together until I got the proper paperwork to fly back home to Canada.

In total we spent approximately 384 hours together. I finish this post in the airport while I wait to board my plane back home. In the time The American and I spent together we found sweet moments, hope, helpfulness, laughs, cuddles, annoyance, dismay, disgust, arguments, judgement, separation, and basically all the facets of an LTR wrapped up into two weeks.

As one of my good friends put it, this experience was a fast-tracked 1-2 year relationship which makes me lucky because time is more valuable than money. I don’t regret anything that happened. I learned a lot about the things I want to do and the things I am capable of doing, and met some cool people along the way. I am just glad to be heading home.

How appropriate MMMBop starts playing in the airport as I write this. What is an MMMbop, you may be asking? Well, pulling from my teeny bopper experience, it was described as a moment in time. The song kicks off,

“You have so many relationships in this life
Only one or two will last
You go through all the pain and strife
Then you turn your back and they’re gone so fast…”

and don’t forget about:

“Plant a seed, plant a flower, plant a rose
You can plant any one of those
Keep planting to find out which one grows…”

So keep planting and watering, and remember all we have is the present moment.

Ohio, thanks for being an MMMBop in my life.

making bad decisions

So things aren’t panning out the way I had hoped with The American, and that’s okay. I’m packing my bag and leaving after a two-week stay. What can I say, I’m a hopeless romantic and my hopes were high that he was the one I could build a life with.

All the romance that was present in our relationship before we met quickly subsided as the reality of day-to-day living grew upon us. There was no more hand holding, no more sweet compliments. We got domestic fairly quickly, as I naturally took it upon myself to cook and clean, while he cared for more of the grunt housework. It didn’t take long for my neurosis to kick in, and things like him no longer opening the car door for me meant he was no longer smitten by me. It’s a catch-22 really. He’s not showing me romantic gestures or spilling kindness, and I can’t help but think he’s uninterested. This basically makes me beg for reassurance, and so maybe that’s why I create dramas out of small things. I need to know he still cares, but it’s hard for a man to keep having to give this reassurance as his feelings fade. And it just seems to turn into a snowball effect. It’s a shame really, and seems to be a pattern I keep reliving.

I know it wasn’t going to work because he’s not someone I’m sexually attracted to. It just hurts when the feelings of not wanting to be with me are reciperacated. I fall into the victimness of feeling not good enough.

“You’re cool, but I don’t see us working out long term” – words I’m familiar with hearing in my dating career.

Reflecting back on the patterns in myself creating this, immediately my internal guidance system is telling me it’s because I become sexually physical way too soon in the relationship than I am ready for. I need to focus on becoming intimate and comfortable with someone before sleeping with them. I think this is how I break the pattern.

But on my first night here, he told me he loved me. And I don’t want to dive into the rabbit hole of whether or not the things he said held validity or not, but I can’t help to wonder if I was duped. Just accept what is and move on.

Through our decision making we learn lessons. And the lesson here is I want more from a man. I want a man who will fight to keep me. I want a man who will love me exactly as I am, neurosis included. And most importantly, I want to be able to flow with life and follow the path of least resistance.

The ultimate dating experiment

Is it possible to find love with someone you haven’t met in person yet? Well, in 6 days, I’m about to find out.

I met an American on Tinder in November. I never really thought anything of it because well, the distance, and also the whole Covid thing didn’t help. After four months of consistent chats and video calls (except for the two weeks I dated someone else), one or two arguments, and a few steamy phone calls, we decided to roll the dice. He’s invited me to stay with him in his newly rented home in Ohio for an undisclosed amount of time. Initially I was going to visit for four days, then that turned into two weeks, and now with the crazy restrictions in Canada, we’re leaning more toward a two-month-long first date.

As a non-essential worker here in Toronto, I’ve been in and out of work for almost a year. So with nothing tying me down, I am packing my bags and going.

I feel good about this. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be going. I was definitely resistant to the whole relationship from the beginning, but he has charmed my boots off and has seemingly won me over.

So this is me documenting the experience.

This also begs me to ask the question: how far have you travelled for a first date? I’m about to travel over 400 miles for mine, so wish me luck!

Don’t go back to his place on the first date

There’s this TikTok video that’s gone viral. Have you seen it? A twenty-five-year-old woman meets this guy via Tinder. The first date ends up being a movie and hangouts at his place. When he wants to get frisky, she denies him, he gets pissed and lectures her about how she should give it up because they met on Tinder, and apparently, “Tinder is for fucking, and not dating.” The story and video are on BuzzFeed.

The general public’s reaction to this story is how this guy is a douche and she has every right to not sleep with him. He isn’t entitled to her sexually because he threw on some Netflix and popped popcorn. But…. there is a dating rule and it goes a little something like this: Ladies, don’t go back to his place on the first date unless you want to sleep with him.

Continue reading “Don’t go back to his place on the first date”

Let’s talk about what’s essential!

This pandemic is driving us crazy! The way government and health officials are handling everything is creating outrage and protests. We are questioning the logic behind the decisions being made, the restrictions put in place, the businesses and activities they deem “essential” and “non-essential”, and all we want are our freedoms back! And now depending on where you live, you may be abiding by a Stay-At-Home order…

So tell me Mr. and Ms. Government Officials, how’s a single girl supposed to find her partner, cultivate a relationship and start a family when she can’t even leave her own home? If you’re a 30-something single woman, you may end up a spinster due to these dyer circumstances. It is essential to a woman’s child-bearing years to be able to date during Covid-19.

Continue reading “Let’s talk about what’s essential!”

cooking lessons and boys

 What sorts of lessons have you learned from the people you’ve dated?

I started thinking about it today, and along with some life lessons, it seems I’ve also gathered a few cooking tips and tricks along the way. I notice these revelations in real-time. For example, the thought “pierce the sausage or it might explode” popped into my head as I cooked pork sausages today. My Covid summer fling used to BBQ for me all the time. Perhaps a cooking tip I wouldn’t have known if it wasn’t for the time I spent with him.

You see, I’ve never really been a Betty Crocker in the kitchen, so perhaps my dating experiences were also to benefit my skills in the kitchen. Perhaps these cooking lessons were imperative for me to learn as they are preparing me for when I meet “the one.”

“They used to say to get a man you had to know how to look. They used to say to keep a man you had to know how to cook.” – Lizzo

Crazy thought? Maybe! But I’m gonna go with it, because whether you spend a few hours or a few years with someone, everyone we meet is for a reason, right? 

In case you were wondering here are some cooking tips I gathered over the years: 

For example:

  • Massage kale with oil before consuming. It makes it so much better!
  • Heat up your oil with chilli flakes before throwing your items into the pan 
  • How to make your own BBQ sauce and deep fried chicken wings (this was before YouTube, friends)
  • Cut out the white parts of peppers
  • Making spice rubs
  • Pierce the sausage! 

Some of that advice was from guys whose names I don’t remember. Others, from guys who broke my heart. And as I cook different dishes, I sometimes get flashbacks of memories of a time when a man was cooking for me, and the tricks he had . And all I can say is that I hope they learned something from me in return. 

dating around

How do you handle the dating world? At this age, aren’t we all just looking for someone to balance us out and build a partnership with? The thought of being single at 40 terrifies me, but this may be my reality.

Back in the day, young adults would date one person (probably a neighbour or something) and then get married. Nowadays, there is no shortage of dick and pussy to choose from which makes the idea of settling down with one person incredibly difficult.

Me and the LTR just don’t mix. I’ve tried and failed so many times, so maybe I’m doing it wrong. So I ask, do you exclusively date one person at a time or do you juggle seeing multiple people?

Dating gets sticky when you try to do the juggling act. Or at least for me it does. That’s why three tends to be my max number of potential suitors. A sort of ranking system tends to happen when you do the dating dance. This is mostly based on connection, attraction and effort.

For example:

Guy A: The guy I am most excited about. We vibe, he puts in effort, we talk on the phone & text regularly, we go on dates. There is true relationship potential here and he becomes my dating priority.

Guy B: Nice guy, attractive, we vibe, he puts in minimal effort. We’ve maybe had a few phone convos, not too much texting, doesn’t ask me on dates. He’s like the “hey i’m bored, u up?” kinda guy.

Guy C: I don’t actively seek him out, but if I hear from him it’s always nice to do a quick catch-up. I’m not overly attracted to him, but will give it a shot if he shows he’s interested in me. We are on each other’s back burner, or so it seems.

I could really like Guy A, but with dating around, I meet Guy B. Guy B can be alluring and exciting at first. The whole addicted to the attraction phase happens. If I start to like B better, he now becomes A, and the scale shifts.

If things don’t progress with Guy A after a few dates, then maybe I’ll take a bigger interest in Guys B & C, effectively putting them up in the ranking, and Guy A now becomes Guy C. See what I mean when I call it a juggling act? And clearly it isn’t working for me because I am 35 and single.

Kinda sounds like I need a flow chart. Online dating happens so fast, you never know who you’re going to have any type of long term success with.

The alternative is to date exclusively, putting your eggs in one basket. But doing this is risky. You’re giving it all (your best years, your time, your energy) to one person that you hope will turn into the relationship you want. So many people don’t agree with this method. If you are single, act single, relationship coach Matthew Hussey urges this to single women every where.

So, if you’re not supposed to put all your eggs in one basket but wish to try and cultivate something with one particular person, how can we do this when we’re told to keep our options open. Anybody?

all in the name of “love”

Ignoring the red flags, we all do it, we hope for better, we see what we want to see, hear what we want to hear. You know what was a red flag? The fact he didn’t appreciate Joni Mitchell. She’s a beautiful poet.

JoniMitchell

#byeboybye.

but on a more serious note:

Huge red flag for myself as the things I valued slipped to the waysides. The things I found important like my weight loss journey, eating sensibly, and putting myself first dropped.

My beating heart spent a lot of time smiling on the inside – the countless mornings I woke up with such a warmth in my heart because of this love. And all those nights I fell asleep in complete contentedness because of the feeling.

Continue reading “all in the name of “love””